Primo Amore : the compassion of first love

Love, Amore, Liebe, Prem... different short names for a great emotion.
We all fall into the claws of this term in our life. Some fall into it once and some unlucky ones fall twice, thrice and not so wise.
We may exaggerate of us being emotionally raw and tough, but at the very touch of this amazing emotion called love, we become emotionally as gullible as a child hungry for love.
I too had my first "fall and rise" in love, which they call it as the puppy love.
Here's my story:

Chapter One: The Dawn of Love

It all began in the leap year of 2008 with an extra 29th day of Feb in it. The world was busy counting important events, Obama running for elections, world economy trying to survive the financial crisis and so on. And in a very small way it witnessed a great event for me, I fell in love for the first time.

Oh I was gonna finish my teenage then, 19, the age the guy is filled with dreams of job, money, fame and yes... girls ofcourse. I was in an age where each girl I saw was compared to the other in many different ways. I had many crushs that time, which led to many parameters for a girl to pass to become a infatuation for me ;)
The amazing thing about love you know... it hits you in the most unexpected time in a most unexpected way.
Now lets go back to the time:
So here she comes, 'my girl' (whom I never in my wildest dreams dreamt about becoming my girl) comes to me asking for some notes she had missed in her absence. I was never studious, but that one subject she came to ask the notes for, had my interest. You can say she came asking for my interest.
I had never spoken to her before. She was just another familiar faces in the class. A rumour in the class was there that the front row girls gang had a fallout, and she was one amongst them. She coming asking me notes, I supposed the rumours were true to their words.
Anyways, she is a fair, mid heighted and a fat girl. My brain freezed on her being fat. Lets just give her the notes and move my brain said. Notes were exchanged with smiles and thanx.
Next day, I see her again, with one female friend of hers, both sitting behind my bench. My lil brain said "wtf you guys doing here in my row, this is supposed to be my row, its the band of brothers row, the one meant for guys strictly. As they were the first explorers to land on our shores, we did not make them go. We welcomed their temporary stay. I wasn't much excited with their presence as I never had them in my mind before. My mind was in the class next to ours where this amazingly beautiful girl was there. Almost all guys had a crush on her, and i was no different.
Now coming to these two girls behind, one is fat and the other introvert. The yesterdays girl hands me the notes calling my name from behind. We broke the ice by talking about their alleged fallout from the girly gang. We started talking and things got filled with humour. We talked and mimicked students, lecturers and even the peons. I found this girl to be funny, for a second I thought what the hell was she doing with those nerdy girls. At the end of the class, we exchanged numbers and bid byes for the day.

Now, in the evening, that she has already given her number, it is expected by me to sms her. Days back it was hard to get ones number, and when got, it was never to be ignored. So, i sent her a silly joke and in minutes my phone buzzes to a Sms from her. A silly joke from her too. -Great Start Bro.
Days went by, we started chatting more and more. We shared how we had spent our weekends and weekdays, what we did, where we went, we shared everything we could in those 160 characters of the message. Because back then, the Zuckerbergs Facebook and Whatsapp were not much into picture in India.
Then came the proposal day. With all the nervousness in the world I told her about my feelings for her. She took time and later that evening she typed the message and sent me a Yes. That message still rings in my memory. Oh i was happy. I started dating, I was on cloud seven.

Chapter Two: Dating and its Consequences
(8 months of dating)
After you start dating, all other friends of yours start to behave strangely. A sense of ignorance and giving us space seemed to take place. Its not that you want to be away from them, but who cares when you are the lucky one to have a girl and your friends don't.
My lady love was here. Remember I told you about her being fat, because it had become a thing from the past. After 8months of rigorous dieting, she had cut down her weight insanely. From 65 to 48kg she had become, making me luckier even more. She was all in her new attire with the perfect curves and her perfect smile and skin tone adding cream to the cake. All the guys who never paid a heed to her were staring at her like the dogs running behind cars.
We were dating like carrots and peas. She was lovingly possessive. Her possessiveness made me stop giving even a stare at the crush from neighbouring class. Btw, the crush got herself a boyfriend too.
We dated for 3 long years. We gave everything to the relationship for it to grow stronger with each passing time. Our talks went from present to future. We had started planning life together and forever, like the ones in the disney movies. Our parents came to know about it too, her family believed in disney and they agreed, mine had more bollywood in them, they disagreed.
Not only did I give up on looking at other girls, but also deleted porn from my PC, that kinda serious you see. I was trying hard to become the guy she wanted me to be. I was all into her and she into me. We distanced ourselves from our friends and lived a life of ours own, the one with only the two of us. But it had dogs in it, we both loved dogs. Dogs are awesome, never gonna leave them for anyone.
College ended and we started to hunt for jobs. We found jobs and started working together, also were preparing for post graduation entrance exams. I was able to forecast the best possible future with her. It was 2011, we both got admission into MBA college and decided to quit job for studies. It was going just the way it was supposed to be.
We both were the world for each other and had no thing hidden between us. We had our email passwords too known to each other along with social logins. One night I was checking mails of mine. With no intention I switched to her mail id to see what mails she had in her yahoo. I opened and a inbox of all the bank loans, lotteries, matrimony, jobs, astrology came before my eyes. Between those mails was one read email. The name was strange and not known to me. It was one of her female friend in abroad of whom I never heard or met. With curiosity I opened the mail.
How I wish I never had opened that mail :(


Chapter Three: The Breakup

That email...
How do I describe that devastating mail. The one that shattered my glass of dreams with a rugged stone. It was like waking up from a dream you never thought you would awake from.
It was a mail in which she was communicating to her friend for relationship advice.
The mail described her having feelings for other guy and that she was guilty cheating on me.
I read and I read again to believe what I was reading. A clot of sadness filled in my neck which wanted to burst out. I held on to that, I couldnt believe she was attracted to this other guy in her office and that she was confused as to what she must do. I never thought whom I was thinking to spend my life with was now in a state of incertitude.
With shaking hands in fury and sadness, I made a phone call to her. I called and yelled and yelled on her. I was crying out my anger on her for cheating on me. After that call, I didnt speak to her for days. I was 22 then, and stupid too. I didnt had the maturity to handle such things. I was heartbroken, but I loved her. I decided to meet her, I wanted to confront her mistake and forgive her because I was still not ready to give up on that dream. We met, she cried and cried. I yelled and at the end, I forgave.
We were back in our world, but it wasnt the same. It wasn't like the talks before, our kisses fell short of emotions. Guilt, anger, they all came together and hit our world. It went 2-3 months like this, and one fine day I got a call from her aunt. She said that her niece wanted to breakup with me as she can no more take this relationship forward. I was more disheartened to hear it from her aunt and not from her. I guess girls can take such strong decisions but to convey them isn't that easy for them. I tried calling and messaging her on phone, facebook and everywhere I could, but it all fell on deaf ears.

Its been 6years now and till date, I never heard anything from her after that day. I guess it would be one of my "never to be known" answer.
I hope someday she finds what she always went looking for. She may never be a part of my life again, but will always be a part of my prayers.

Love and always
Me :)